Standing Up For Yourself
Kalonzo’s in/decision to /not to join Azimio coalition or Kenya Kwanza has made him a laughing stock. First, he took so long to make up his mind and when he finally did, he was not sure whether he was fully in or out of the Azimio coalition. His indecisiveness provided an opportunity to the public to ridicule him with names like traitor and wimp among others. The general feeling was that he was selfish, unreliable and not trustworthy
In life, there are issues that are unimportant, where you do not really care whatever the outcome. However, there comes a time when you must decide what your values are: what is truly important, and you must make a stand. What will your stand be?
That said, not having a stand can lead to many problems, especially the mental anguish that come with it. For some people standing up for yourself does not come naturally because it involves rocking the boat. Flowing with the current in an effort to avoid confrontations seems to be an easier way out. Yet, allowing people to walk all over you leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth. You become angry, resentful and discontented. You complain, murmur and start to wonder why people are so inconsiderate… why they do not just know what you want. The truth is that you never told them. When you stand for yourself you defend your self-worth.
Standing up for yourself is not just about having boundaries, but of importance is knowing how to assert them. The opposite of this is passiveness – allowing life to just “happen” and you become a victim of circumstances. Resolving to the “poor me” syndrome. I am sure none of us would like to be in Kalonzo’s shoes right now. It is a fact that people will always talk and even treat you bad, whether you like it or not. Taking a stand relieves you of the stress and pain that comes with being a pushover and clears your mind to handle other issues.
Standing up for yourself does not mean being a bully, aggressive or causing conflicts but simply having confidence in the authenticity of your beliefs, values and thoughts as well as the validity of your worth. It is telling people that you know what you want.
Benefits of taking a stand
You protect your mental health - as you use your voice to speak for yourself, you will feel better about yourself, your confidence will increase
You will form stronger relationships - those who love you will know how far they can go with you and they will respect your honesty and values
You free your time and mind - remember all the time you wasted saying yes or remained silent when all you to do was say no?
You learn how to control your emotions
Your needs are met with less resistance.
How to stand up for yourself
There are many benefits to having a stand and lack of it can lead to mental illnesses like stress and anxiety
The first step is to clarify what matters and what does not – know what your values are. This will help you to make a decision when it is necessary and save you from getting yourself mixed up in inconsequential issues. Those issues that may not really merit the attention and anger that you apportion to them.
Secondly, learn to say “no” to uncomfortable and non-beneficial situations. This can be hard for persons who grew up in a strict environment where the consequences for breaking the rules are serious such as was my case growing up. I struggled with saying “no” for most of my life. I always ended up getting angry and resenting myself after saying “no” to myself while saying “yes” to others. Even now I still find myself feeling guilty for refusing certain things but I keep reminding myself that saying “no” is not necessarily a bad thing for i am responsible for the care of my mental health. Additionally, that I do not have to apologize, give excuses or explain my stand to anybody when I can firmly but politely and respectfully decline.
Standing up for yourself is a process that takes time, effort and determination. Therefore, it will be necessary to start with small but sure steps. Rewarding yourself whenever you succeed and forgiving yourself whenever you slide to your old habits. It is important to keep reminding yourself that you deserve respect. That you are just as talented, as wonderful, as deserving as anyone and no one has the right to be rude to you, ignore you, or dismiss your feelings — no matter what they might think.
You can do this. Just stand up straight and practice the art of speaking up when it matters. You will keep getting a little better and braver each time you do.