Eight Signs You Might Be a People-Pleaser

A people pleaser is someone who most people recognize as kind and caring. Someone that people would quickly think of when they need help. That “go to” person when something is needed. Isn’t that good? Would you not want to be that kind of person? Wait! Doing good to others and helping those who are in need out of your good nature is a good thing, but when it becomes hurtful and your life is inconvenienced chances are you might be a people pleaser - you genuinely want to do good but your resources are depleted and you are suffering from the inside.

Here are some signs that you might be a people-pleaser:

You find it difficult to say "no." You are constantly agreeing with people even when you know deep down in your heart you feel differently. You are afraid that if you do not agree with them, they will think that you are selfish and therefore they will not like you. So you would rather make excuses and later back out rather than saying “no” from the onset.

You take the blame even when something isn’t your fault. You do not want confrontations so in the interest of settling a disputes or calming things down things you take responsibility while knowing full well that it is not your fault.

 You feel responsible for the emotional responses of others. For example your boss may be angry and you feel that it is your fault. Or when your colleague wears headphones and you imagine that it is because they do not want to talk to you.

You derive your worth from others. Because your self-confidence is low, you are always seeking for validation from others. This makes you to constantly ask for approval, feedback or credit from someone else over your work.

You find it hard to accept praise when it is given.  You downplay any and you may try to explain it way by saying something like “well, the entire team worked on this project”

You act like the people around you. You find your views and outlooks changing depending on who you are with. This includes changing your personality to socially fit in with the people or the group that you are hanging out with.  

You are always apologizing. Again there is nothing wrong with apologizing when you have done something wrong. In fact this is a value that many people lack and they often shift their blame to someone else (we call it the sin of Adam). However, when you find yourself apologizing over everything including speaking your mind, to smooth awkward situations or even to make others comfortable, you may be a people pleaser.  

You are always busy. You never have any free time because you are always doing things for other people. At times your own personal needs are neglected in order to do things for others.